Guten Abend, agency operatives and digital henchpeople,

While you were stuck in a budget approval loop for Q4, United Internet just casually laid out their plan for continental domination.

No golden guns or underwater cars, just fibre-optics, AI, and the kind of programmatic scale that would make Ernst Stavro Blofeld blush.

“Mr. Bond, We Call It… Automated Efficiency”

Forget test budgets and innovation sprints. This was full-blown monologue mode:

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“We’re scaling AI-led programmatic buying to drive both growth and efficiency.”

Translation?

  • AI now runs the campaigns and the cost-saving playbook.

  • Real-time targeting, automation, and machine-led optimisation aren’t ‘new features’—they’re weapons.

  • Media buyers? You're just passengers on their private jet.

And they’ve got the financials to back it:

  • Revenue up 4.3%

  • Full-year guidance upgraded

  • Operational margin holding strong despite billion-euro infrastructure spend

The Hostile Takeover Has Begun

They’ve now secured over 80% of 1&1 AG.
But of course, 90% is the real target. Because why merely influence the board when you can own the building?

This isn’t strategic alignment. It’s tactical submission.

  • They’re consolidating power across telco, ad tech, and MarTech

  • Creating a closed loop of first-party data, delivery, and monetisation

  • All under a single, very German roof

The Network Is the Weapon

Forget cookies. They’ve got cables.

  • Massive investment in fibre-optic and 5G infrastructure

  • More bandwidth = more connected households = more data = more scalable programmatic

  • They’re building the ad ecosystem from the ground up—and they already own the floorplans

This is what happens when a telco turns into a media empire. And then wires your clients' homes into it.

So, Mr. Bond… What’s Your Media Plan?

Unless you’ve got your own AI lab, mobile network, DSP, and €3 billion in your back pocket… you’re negotiating with the villain from a folding chair.

The reality?

  • They’re redefining what vertical integration really means

  • Your next media plan might depend on infrastructure you don’t control

  • And your programmatic roadmap just got rerouted through Frankfurt


You brought a media deck to a laser watch fight.
And United Internet just pressed the button.